WTF!

Wanting what I know is impossible to recieve makes me try even more. What is this new found motivation to get what I know I don't need?

To my Boo

Dear Baby,

Everything that I have experienced in the past did not prepare me for you. Suprisingly this event has taken me overboard. It's funny because I never knew I could feel this way. Damn...that's all I can say! Damn! I mean i've fallen and I don't want to arise. The way you romance and seduce me. Baby who knew a person could tease me the way you do. Oh My Gosh! The feel of your soft, oh so soft, lips. Oh so suckable. The way you hold me, oh so strong. You make me feel safe and that has never happened to me! Damn. I like this treatment. Please don't stop. I'm taking the affection, safety, feeling and you and I'm running with it. Thanks for entering my life, your timing couldn't be better...

Sincerly,

Butt Butt :)

Letting It Go!

The stressors of high school come in serious packages. It seems like if it isn't one thing it's another. I mean I can never have a great day altogether. If I have a good day at school, then there is hell at home and vice versa. I always say that I am ready to leave everything and start anew, but then I realize everything I have now is what made me who I am so I can't give up on them. Im just so bothered by it all! Can't sleep at night results in being late in the morning, it has gotten so bad that everyone in the office knows my name and my homeroom teacher! Damn! I wish I can take classes at home or after 9am because Im so tired. I work half the time and then I'm home cleaning up or doing scholarships that I know I'm not going to get. What's the point of it all? I can't win for losing, and Im not the one to complain, usually. I would rather get up and dust myself off and keep it moving it just feels like someone/thing has a hold on me that keeps me tied down. Im not suppose to feel like this.

}gotta get myself together to start over later in life{ right now...I just have to deal with the discrepencies of my actions!

}Bored{

Im so done with High school and people in general. As usual I have so much fun in school when Im not in class! It seems so stupid now, teachers say they are here to help, but they really aren't and then I lack the motivation. Sometimes I wish I can do senior year all over again, but then again...never mind! Its almost over!

Trying to Make A Dollar Out Of 15 cents

16 year old girl walks down the block everyday six o’clock in the mornin’ to 4 o’clock at night. Strippin in the day. Hoe’n at night. Everyday she meets a friend who will do favors because she can’t eat. Starvation. This is the height and weight of the 16 year old with three babies by three different daddies. One of the daddies is her cousin, but never in her life will she tell the truth. She would rather walk the streets and fantasize about the “real” life she wishes to have. She would rather make five dollars from her grandfather look-a-like to buy her and her babies a Mcdouble from McDonalds, than go in the house and give her father favors for a piece of bread and bologna. Its hard out there for a girl who knows nothing but sex, money, rape and lies all her life. Education. What education, she hasn’t heard that word since she found her mother laid out on the floor from a drug overdose. That was eight years ago. Sentence. What sentence she hasn’t wrote a sentence since kindergarten. Life is hard.

Be grateful for what you have because what if you were her.

15 year old boy on the street corner hustling to feed his five younger brothers who are 1,2,3,4,5. they all live with him and his baby mama who has 4 kids and only one is his and that’s skeptical. He keeps her because she gets support from the gov’t but that aint enough. 11 people in a two bedroom project house and only one is nickel and dimin just to get by. Has nothing going and the feds are watching his back. Cant seem to break even so movin real weight is out of the question and the niggas he thought was his friends stuck him up last night when the rent was due. Eviction notice on the way and the boys need braces, clothes, food. Baby mama is a ghetto no-class bitch and is one word away from the floor. Naggin day in and day out. Life is hard. Damn, why didn’t I stay in school, he thinks. He couldn’t even though he excelled. Unlike the girl who was raped and couldn’t go he went up to the 8th grade when he failed three times due to absences. Why go to school when it doesn’t pay the rent. Teach me whatever he says to the OG on the block, hustling. Scratchin and saving to get out and then gets bagged, had to do a two year bid. Brothers lost in the system, baby mama knocked up by another nigga, he doesn’t have nothing. Life is hard.

The Recession

This is some bullshit!

Im blown that to recieve a higher educational degree....it would cost
a damn arm and leg and probably a heart too. Especially if you want to go
to a good school. Why do I have to stay in-state in order to afford college.
That's the point anyway to get away, but if I cant afford it then what the HELL.

I blame the government and that bitch ass Bush because he knew he was going to be well
off and didnt care anything about this economy. This is crazy. They lay people of and do pay cuts and still charge the same price for a house, car and school. When I do get a degree the economy is so bad that if I find a job they will pay me the same thing they will pay the broad who had three babies by three different men and can't spell her name. WTF!

The Truth

You want the truth...

Why do people say they want the truth...
but when they get it...
it turns out they are offended or hurt.

This is a hyprocrite for you...

Women alone are more subtle to taking the truth and running with it.
They say I want honesty and committment...

Yea It sounds good.
How do I know...
Im a Woman...

It sounds right to say i want honesty...
but I'll be the first on the cry when he says its over!

Point of Purpose: Don't ask for the truth until you can take what comes with it...

Imagine...

.Your breath kissing my lips.

..sending chills to my spine..

...Inches away from my face and...

...I have fallen...just weak at the knees...

.and when your soft lips finally caress my face.

I am puzzled, shocked even

at the way gravity took over and pulled me towards you.

Your sweet kisses and soft but firm hands targeted my inner being

You woke a feeling that was deep in its slumber

At the touch of your kiss....

Just Imagine

My Soul Recaptured

* For my first blog I decided to write something entitled "My Soul Recaptured".

I thought my soul would be able to break free
from all the harm and hurt
I thought my heart could sustain
to the pain of life
I thought my mind will mask
the true identity of my being...
I guess not...
The thought of being free invaded my space
clouded my mind and broke through my air
It was there all along but
I couldn't grasp it, hold it, catch it

And then...

I called it quits
there was no more "bitch this" or "do that"
I allowed myself room from the annoyance
from the heartache and devastation
I could smell the oxygen again
I could feel my soul uplifted

But Again...

It went downhill
there was no more of the early morning thrill
that once was
It was no more of the kisses and hugs
that brought me baq to this place that I knew so well...

I was yet again stuck in a room
with the air being sucked out of my lungs
and into yours
you took my being and brought upon death
to my heart and mind and soul
you captured again what was never yours

You took advantage...
You did this
You did this...

I can blame it on you!

But it was me...

I allowed myself a chance to see
what the word evil really means
I wanted the trivial accusations to be made
I allowed you to take what you wanted
I wanted to give you pride and encouragment
in which you lack!
Because that is love
That is love...
LOVE
a word you use often
but never thought about
the word in itself
I LOVed you so much
I am willing to give my
Body.
Mind.
Spirit.

And the day you wonder
how I can show my love

I will sit back and say
"come my darling
my Recaptured Soul awaits"